here comes the sun

thank god for new mornings. new beginnings. new mercies.
jamison and i have been awake since 2:26 this morning. he has decided to lobby for staying on china time. it is taking it's toll on all of us. when the sun started to rise this morning, i was so thankful to see it. it made me feel hopeful for the day ahead.
many of you have written to me or called just to check in. i very much value all of the words about jet-lag, attachment and bonding and depression. each time i hear from someone i feel like you are throwing me/us a little life line to keep going. it is difficult for me to post blogs right now as i am fully aware of how much inside of my own head i am. really, none of this is about me at all, quite the contrary.....but, because i am ME, i have a hard time letting go and focusing on what is important. i am praying about my selfishness and for much wisdom, and for god's heart for jamison. anyway, thank you so, so very much for all of your advice and support. it is invaluable.

now about jamison......he is doing chores. he puts away the silverware and helps to change the laundry, he will rinse and scrape all of the dishes. he tries to help wash off the table, but i am considering re-assigning that task to someone who can see :)
his burning desire to be independent is a great gift. when he allows himself to be taught, he takes hold of a concept and runs with it. he really loves to learn, and i am just dying to be able to communicate more with him, as i know it will show us all so much more of who is hidden away inside of there. discipline is a HUGE issue. he is grossly put off that i would ever have the audacity to tell him "no". doing so usually ends in a session of him wailing and howling and clawing at my face. fortunately he does not try as hard as he could or damage would be done. i just continue to hold him very close and restrain his arms while whispering to him, "i love you, everything is going to be okay." today we have had one 40 minute session like this and a shorter 22 minute session. this is reminiscent of what we went through with whitman, so i think it is within the range of normal for our current situation.
we have a friend who speaks mandarin who is coming over this afternoon to hang out and try to talk with jamison about how he is doing. we hope to help explain some of the things that have been frustrating him and confusing him. he does SO much better when he understands what is going on (like all of us) so i hope this will help him.
i have really been thinking that moving to minnesota has now taken away another of his major senses. his main mode of being able to understand the world around him was his communication through language, and now that has been taken away.....it is almost like he is blind and deaf right now, not quite, but you know what i am saying. oh, he is a trooper.
he is busy exploring the house and learning about all of the nook's and crannie's. he is playing a lot with his brothers today, a great improvement from yesterday.
that is all i can ask for. one small improvement is a wonderful, BIG thing right now!