Monday, July 27, 2009

confessions of an overwhelmed mom

ohh goodness, i am truly sorry it's taken me so long to add another post. i thought i'd wait until i could get my hands on all of the pictures (i know that's what you are waiting for!) but i just don't know when that will happen, so it seemed best to write about our new life.
our arrival in minneapolis was so wonderful. jamison did better than expected on all of those flights, and he was excited to meet "father" and "five didi's". we had a great turnout of people to support us and welcome him home! it was so encouraging to see so many friendly and loving faces. a BIG thank you to everyone who was there! i was, as predicted, crying like a baby when i saw all of my little monkey's again. and scott......well, let's just say that i have learned a new appreciation for him after being away for so long. he has been FANTASTIC since we got home.
jamison is really having a lot of mood swings (expected) and acts distant sometimes (expected). he is just starting to test scott (expected) and he is not sure that he wants to be here at all (expected). i am really struggling with how to react to him (not expected!). it feels like i am choosing to love him and it's not coming as easily as i thought it would. he is just really pushing away, and i can't seem to find a crack in his armor yet. i will just continue to love him, and continue to hope and pray that, given time, he will settle into his place in our family. i know it is SO very early to be saying all of this. i know that he needs so much time and space, i'm just fessing up to what i am feeling like. he is surely completely uncertain right now. i just hope that scott and i will be able to be the strength and love and safe harbor he needs. all by the grace of abba.
we all played hide and seek last night and he loved that. he really likes all the food he has been presented with so far. he likes to help try and take care of fisher and if one of his brothers is sad, he tries to comfort them. it is very precious. he is completely amazing at building with legos. he fashioned this super sweet airplane with a smaller airplane that just snaps into place on top of the "mother ship". it is VERY cool. we will be buying more legos.
thank you to all of you for all of your encouraging comments on this blog. i was just able to read them all when i got home from china. so heartfelt and truly what i needed to hear. thank you all so much for taking the time to write and to follow up on sweet little jamison. i really DO hope to post pictures soon!


4 comments:

  1. Oh, finally, finally an update!!! I will continue to pray for your transition time. I have found that it usually takes about 9 mths for the household to settle back down .... sorry if that sounds like forever! Jamison is strong and knows love and how to love - time will heal the brokenness and open the cracks in his armor. Abba WILL be faithful and tapestry your lives together!!! I am thankful you are home and the family is being knit together. Blessings on you all!
    In His strength and mercy alone - MaryK

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  2. Thank you for your update. We have truly been touched by your journey to Jamison. Your heartfelt post has touched us as well.

    WE felt the same way when we arrived home last summer with Philip but were so ashamed to say it out loud until one day I sat Kevin and Ted down at the kitchen table and asked them if they felt the same way I did. Ted immediately said he did, and then we looked at Kevin as if to say, "We think you do, too, but you are not admitting it." He finally said he felt overwhelmed and inadequate for the task of helping Philip, too! Whew! What a relief that others felt the same way.

    You are right. Our Lord will give you the strength and ability you need to reach this precious son of yours. He did for us, and I am humbled each and every time I think about God's mighty power to work in our lives! For the most part, our heartbreaking struggle to reach Philip is over, and he is one secure little guy now in his new family.

    Praying for you all -

    In Christ,
    Janet, Kevin, Ted, Philip, and waiting for Eli who is about to be DTC this week!!

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  3. hey mary and janet......wow, thank you so much. having been through it yourselves, you know how much it just helps knowing that there have been others before you to blaze a trail....i am grateful you posted! i STILL have not shared the unabridged version of all that i am thinking or feeling, but maybe i will! ;)
    i think saying it outloud is helping me, so my posts might get a lot worse before they get better!!
    thank you for your words, thoughts and prayers!!
    much love, heather

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  4. Thanks for the heartfelt update. You and Jamison are obviously doing an amazing job. And don't feel bad or anything ... it takes time for the motehr's heart to catch up with everything sometimes. It did for me for four of the five we adopted. Just said a prayer for you all. :)

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