Six Crazy Monkeys

the new norm

2010-06-25T10:48:00.002-05:00

i have not written on here for a long time, because i had no idea what to say.

time has passed and now i think i can talk about it.

many of you already know this. in march, jamison sexually abused his little brother, whitman. this is such a long story, so i will just tell you the end, or rather, where we are at right now.

jamison was removed from our home for over three weeks, but less than a month after we contacted our local police department about what had happened. he is back in our home now, but there is a court case against him. our county attorney's office is pressing criminal sexual misconduct charges of the first degree against jamison.

jamison's lawyer has asked for a test to determine his "competency" in being able to be a part of his own defence. we just went in for that test this week and are waiting to find out the results.

our lives have truly been turned upside down by all that has gone on in the past four months. emotionally it is too difficult to explain.

whitman is doing REALLY, really well which is absolutely the saving grace in all of this. he has just done so great with all of the testing and interviews he has had to go through. his sweet little spirit is strong and so far, seems unaffected by what has happened to him.

jamison has also been through a lot. a whole lot. he is doing as well as can be expected, i think. he does not begin to understand the depth of what he has done or what this is doing to our family. this is probably a good thing for his fragile set of circumstances. he is under a new set of strict, court-ordered rules. our whole house is. he was going to go to a super cool camp this summer, but now will not be able to do that, and he is really sad about it.

scott and i are emotionally completely spent. i'm sure i will write more about my inner demons soon, buit suffice it to say, i am wrestling with a whole lot of 'em.

life does indeed go on, however. elliott is leaving for a baseball tournament this weekend. holden and elliott are going to summer camp this year for the first time ever. they are both excited! holden, who has struggled very hard in school his whole life so far, just completed second grade ABOVE grade level in reading. he is a fantastic writer and i'm SO happy for him and proud of him for how far he's come!! YEA, holden......seriously this is a big deal for him :)

our nephew is living with us and so is one of scott's old friends from elementary/junior high. our house is still so busy and loud. i am ever thankful for fisher and quiet moments with him when he snuggles with me and tells me that he loves me.

so that's the update for now. prayers are needed and so appreciated as always. when we know more about our next court hearing (next week) i will let you know.

Christmas Cookies

2009-12-26T09:46:00.003-06:00

We all made and decorated cookies on christmas eve. This was a yearly tradition in my family growing up, and now we do it in our house as well. Fisher now holds the record for putting more frosting on a cookie than previously thought humanly possible! Also in keeping with tradition, we made a few "felix" cookies in honor of my brother, Derek.
Scott and I were in the thick of battle competing for the title of best felix cookie. (i won, of course.)

Julieann and Josh bought Jamison a traditional Chinese formal outfit while we were in China. Jamison ALWAYS wants to wear it, but I only let him for special occasions. He wanted to wear it for Christmas. The last picture is him wearing his gold outfit holding Fisher.

We had a fun day together. The boys all played outside building a snow fort for most of the afternoon. they each got something they wanted for christmas, and i was so excited to be looking around our living room at all SIX boys together. Jamison's first christmas at home with us. It made me very happy. I am growing to like him more and more. i have loved him from the first time i saw his picture, but LIKING him is taking so much longer than i could have ever imagined. still waiting. still trusting.

Merry Christmas to you all. Peace to your heart.

Applesauce

2009-12-12T08:11:00.002-06:00

Some of the boys helped me make applesauce. Jamison did a LOT of the peeling. He loves to help out in the kitchen. Oliver (5) and our youngest, Fisher(2) also really enjoy helping with cooking, so they tried their hand at peeling and measuring out cinnamon and sugar. Jamison is getting pretty handy in the kitchen. He uses a chef knife to cut up apples, celery and carrots. I like it that there is one child who Loves to empty the dishwasher for me :)

Hopefully i will be posting more pictures on here. i am slowly learning how to use this strange contraption called the computer. i wanted to post the pictures and i will write a post soon about school and jamison's surgery. today is a busy day for us. the kids are all waiting for me to finish this and make them breakfast. we have three hockey games and one hockey practice. jamison's saturday school with the national foundation of the blind has their christmas party today and i need to go grocery shopping sometime in there too!
thanks for checking in on us. much love!

Jamison and Holden

2009-12-12T08:00:00.002-06:00

Teaching little brother, Holden how to use the brailler.

School Days

2009-10-27T10:08:00.002-05:00

after many meetings and introductions, jamison has started school! he goes for about two hours each day right now. depending on how things go, his days will be lengthened accordingly.
so far, he LOVES it.
he has a cane traveling instructor, and a braille teacher. his braille teacher seems to be a wonderful fit for jamison as she is a huge go-getter and VERY excited about his education. a whole new world opened up for him the first day he started to use the braille books and braille machine.
you should have seen him the first time he started to figure out the alphabet in braille. it was AMAZING and so beautiful. you could see in his whole body the recognition beginning to take place. he was so excited. i just sat next to him with tears running down my face. it was such a great moment to see. we work each day with his braille machine (it's like a type writer, except it types out braille). he is so ready to learn, he works very hard and soaks up everything.
right now, he is going through an evaluation with translators to try to determine the best plan of action for his specific educational needs. there is very much to consider.

on a different note, he has his first surgery coming up. November 4th he will have plastic surgery on his nose and mouth and he will have an expander placed in his neck. Dr. Wood hopes to "de-bulk" and give more definition to jamison's nose. he will also enlarge the opening on the left side of jamison's mouth, enabling him to open his mouth more. right now it is difficult for jamison to take proper care of his teeth because he can't open his mouth far enough to floss or brush in the very back of his mouth. Dr. Wood will also be placing an expander in the right side of jamison's neck. Some of you out there have had the pleasure of working with expanders before, and you know how much fun they are! :) an expander is like a little balloon placed under the skin and slowly "inflated" over an eight week time period. this will stretch out the skin on his neck and give Dr. Wood a lot of loose skin to do reconstructive procedures on jamison's neck.
the process of getting the expander inflated slowly makes you look like you have a massive tumor growing off of your body. it isn't pretty, but the end result can be pretty amazing.
jamison says he is ready for this and that he understand's what is going to happen. i believe him. he says he has had worse procedures before and he seems to think this won't be so bad. wow. i am so happy that we will be able to be with him through all of this. it was so hard to be so far away from him when he was going through different procedures in China. i am very happy to be able to take care of him this time.

he does have more surgery coming up soon to do reconstructive work on his eye lids, but that is not scheduled yet. he creates quite a stir with all of the different doctor's we go to. he is being such a trooper. he has a lot ahead of him, but he seems up for the challenge.
right now he is thinking about "trick or treating" and keeps on asking me if he can go get candy yet. he's really excited for his first halloween and wants to dress up as old mac donald. :)

Latchu Baby

2009-10-02T22:26:00.002-05:00

it's no secret that my feelings have been a little slow on the uptake concerning our newest monkey. it has NOT been all fluffy clouds and rainbows with cute dancing teddy bears.
in spite of this, good things continue to happen.
jamison really loves hot food. he calls it latchu ("spicy" or "hot pepper" in chinese) this is phonetically spelled. so each morning when he wakes up, he asks me for latchu noodles. he started all of this when julieann and i first met him in china. he would just randomly say the word latchu, and then bust a gut laughing about it.
he still says it, and he still thinks it's funny. nobody knows why but him.
but i started calling him latchu baby. my little spicy baby. and he's not little...well, maybe if you compared him to another 12 year old he'd be little. and he's not a baby. but in SO many ways he is a baby. in so many ways he is just starting out. he is brand new to our family. emotionally he's so tiny and young, fragile. he wants to be held. a lot.
he cries. a lot.
this world is new to him....our ways, our rules, our language, our food.
he is so curious and wants to learn. and he is learning like crazy. you would not believe how much english he understands. he loves to be called latchu baby. he used to think "baby" was a really mean thing to call him. but once he heard me calling scott "baby" and all of his brothers "baby" he quickly realized that it was not a bad thing at all, but quite the opposite. so now in the morning if i say, "good morning, jamison" he says, "no, jamison mommy.....latchu baby!"
it's so cute. i'm telling you, i'm softening. it will come. i have faith that it will all come in due time.
today at a doctors appointment, the interpreter asked him if he liked it here with his new family. he said something to her and she started laughing and told me that he said "of course i LOVE it here, there is no where i would want to be more than here."
i started crying right there in the waiting room. i'm so happy he likes it here....with us....i so desperately want him to be happy and to feel safe. i want to do right by him.

the infamous six

2009-09-02T10:37:00.003-05:00

Well, here they are. all six of them. they feed off each other like sharks in a pool full of chum. things have been going really well for over a week now. jamison is softening his heart in a new way, and he is opening up like the most fragile of little flowers. i feel like his trust is so delicate.
he is a sexist young man, firmly insisting that women can't be doctors, and that only men can drink beer. he was offended at the way my friend, julieann was sitting on the couch, and tried to get her to cross her legs in a manner he deemed more befitting a lady. he wears rollerblades around the house with a neon green cape around his neck.

my heart is also softening to him. i have been very actively pursuing changing MY attitude and MY expectations, as that is all i can control. i have been thinking a great deal about arranged marriages, and how love can grow, slowly, if nurtured between two virtual strangers put suddenly into a very intimate relationship requiring a great deal of trust. our situation is similar. it will take a lot of time, a lot of consistency, and a whole lot of grace for this love to truly grow and for trust to develop and take deep root.

jamison has a dr. appt. with a cornea specialist in oct to determine if there is the possibility of any sight in his future. he has dr. appts. scheduled at the burn clinic, the plastic surgeon and needs some dental surgery. we are looking into his educational needs and trying to determine the best plan for him. let me tell you, this is a crash course into several new medical fields and educational fields. there is much for us to learn and decide. abba, give us wisdom!

elliott and holden started school yesterday, oliver and whitman start kindergarten tomorrow, leaving me, jamison, fisher, and baby sebastian (the little one i take care of) at home each afternoon. both fisher and baby seba will take a nap at the same time, giving jamison and i roughly two hours alone each day. i am counting on this time to be a time of quality bonding that we have not been able to experience so far. in my own heart, i am feeling much more settled and accepting of him in whatever manner he chooses to give himself to me...be it an angry, argumentative, hurting little boy, or a funny, thoughtful helper or anywhere in between.....i will take whatever i can get, and i will continue to pray for his heart and his healing.

Shepherd's Field pictures

2009-08-24T19:33:00.009-05:00

here are, at long last, some pictures of our time at shepherd's field (philip hayden foundation)
i have pretty much only included pictures of the sweet babes, i hope some of you see your little one in here somewhere. they are too wonderful and precious for words. i have stories for grady's family if your out there.....and if anyone is interested in an amazing, kind, quiet, loving, dear, sweet, older boy, Joseph is your man. he has stolen my heart.
i am sorry if this format is really stupid. i do not know how to put pictures on here, and this is the best i could do.

lots of baby steps

2009-08-14T08:39:00.003-05:00

we have been home three weeks now! there is good news to report.
jamison has been doing really well for the past few days! he seems to be settling in ever so slightly. just little things here and there that would lead one to believe that he is feeling more comfortable.
on a regular basis he: *is playing with his brothers more
*is following the "routine" of the day
*is trusting us in new areas
*is going to bed without having a meltdown
*is saying "sorry" at appropriate times
*is not trying to hole himself up in his bedroom all alone
*is not hurting himself when he is very angry or very sad

these are some of the examples that i can think of right off the top of my head. i believe that there has been some small improvements each day. this is fantastic. having friends who speak mandarin and are willing to help out has been a lifesaver! the times that we have sat down together with the ability to really ask questions and try to understand have been some big steps forward. jamison always says that he thinks things are hard but going very well. he is sad that he does not speak english yet......after three weeks.
i have noticed marked improvement in his angry rages......they seem to be shorter and he seems to be allowing me to comfort him more and more during these episodes. it is deeply, deeply sad to see him hurting so much, but that is a topic for another blog.
he is making a better connection with his friend in wisconsin, and it is very special to watch and listen to them talk together.
he wants to participate more in family type of stuff. when we played a game last night, jamison was on my team, and when i explained that we were not winning, he tried to pass some extra game pieces over to his dad to give us a leg up. little things like this mean a lot, and show that he is understanding more and more.
all of this is good and encouraging.
i am off to play alien's with the brood. much love.

the truth hurts

2009-08-06T19:46:00.002-05:00

well, okay, you guys are asking for updates......i know this means you are checking in on me to make sure i am still sane. i have been taking a little hiatus from blogging, it's been a little nuts around here, and by a little i mean a whole lot.
i've been debating in my little brain what to say and how to say it. i'm about to explode with everything i am thinking and feeling, and i'm willing to wager that jamison is in the same boat, except more so.
i won't be able to live with myself if i am not honest, so here goes.............
this. is. very. very. crazy. insane. hard.
i remember the good ole' days, when i could get away with being a lazy parent. it was wonderful. now i am being stretched and tested to the utter limits of myself.......so it's a good thing i'm not doing this on my own. holy cow, i am a weak, weak person. i reached the end of myself days ago. whatever is going on now is completely from abba. this is the most difficult thing that i have ever done. our marriage is tested, our relationship with our children is tested, my deepset convictions about love are being tested.
were it not for our abba, the author of everything, i would be done. only he knows, and he holds the very heart of jamison and the very heart of me in his perfect and capable hand.
i kicked the door down to our bathroom a week ago. jamison locked himself in, and was having a tsunami of a meltdown. he was screaming and screaming, slamming drawers and cupboards, ripping down shower curtains. i was so scared that he was going to break the massive mirror in our bathroom and cut his arm to sheds.....he would not let me in. i tried to jimmy the lock with a knife, it wouldn't budge. scott was at soccer practice with most of our kids. so, i kicked the door down.....this was the beginning of one of the longest nights of my life so far.
if there is anyone out there who has struggled with post adoption issues, or post adoption depression, or fighting with your heart about how to love this child, then this post is for you!
take heart and never give up.
never give up.
never give up.
i will love you forever, little jamison.
my heart is for you.
i am as stubborn as you are, and i won't give up, i will love you until you let me love you.
i will kick down every door in this house to get to you.
we are all in this together now, kid. you are stuck with us and we are going to do this until we fit together......if it takes one year or ten years or all of the years i have left, i am trusting abba to make a way.
there is not a lot more to say, we are struggling over here. that's the truth.
i am super in love with my husband, that's the truth.
i cry myself to sleep almost every night, that's the truth.
jamison is a lost little soul right now, that's the truth.
the only thing left is our abba and that's the only truth that matters.

here comes the sun

2009-07-29T12:52:00.003-05:00

thank god for new mornings. new beginnings. new mercies.
jamison and i have been awake since 2:26 this morning. he has decided to lobby for staying on china time. it is taking it's toll on all of us. when the sun started to rise this morning, i was so thankful to see it. it made me feel hopeful for the day ahead.
many of you have written to me or called just to check in. i very much value all of the words about jet-lag, attachment and bonding and depression. each time i hear from someone i feel like you are throwing me/us a little life line to keep going. it is difficult for me to post blogs right now as i am fully aware of how much inside of my own head i am. really, none of this is about me at all, quite the contrary.....but, because i am ME, i have a hard time letting go and focusing on what is important. i am praying about my selfishness and for much wisdom, and for god's heart for jamison. anyway, thank you so, so very much for all of your advice and support. it is invaluable.

now about jamison......he is doing chores. he puts away the silverware and helps to change the laundry, he will rinse and scrape all of the dishes. he tries to help wash off the table, but i am considering re-assigning that task to someone who can see :)
his burning desire to be independent is a great gift. when he allows himself to be taught, he takes hold of a concept and runs with it. he really loves to learn, and i am just dying to be able to communicate more with him, as i know it will show us all so much more of who is hidden away inside of there. discipline is a HUGE issue. he is grossly put off that i would ever have the audacity to tell him "no". doing so usually ends in a session of him wailing and howling and clawing at my face. fortunately he does not try as hard as he could or damage would be done. i just continue to hold him very close and restrain his arms while whispering to him, "i love you, everything is going to be okay." today we have had one 40 minute session like this and a shorter 22 minute session. this is reminiscent of what we went through with whitman, so i think it is within the range of normal for our current situation.
we have a friend who speaks mandarin who is coming over this afternoon to hang out and try to talk with jamison about how he is doing. we hope to help explain some of the things that have been frustrating him and confusing him. he does SO much better when he understands what is going on (like all of us) so i hope this will help him.
i have really been thinking that moving to minnesota has now taken away another of his major senses. his main mode of being able to understand the world around him was his communication through language, and now that has been taken away.....it is almost like he is blind and deaf right now, not quite, but you know what i am saying. oh, he is a trooper.
he is busy exploring the house and learning about all of the nook's and crannie's. he is playing a lot with his brothers today, a great improvement from yesterday.
that is all i can ask for. one small improvement is a wonderful, BIG thing right now!

confessions of an overwhelmed mom

2009-07-27T04:56:00.002-05:00

ohh goodness, i am truly sorry it's taken me so long to add another post. i thought i'd wait until i could get my hands on all of the pictures (i know that's what you are waiting for!) but i just don't know when that will happen, so it seemed best to write about our new life.
our arrival in minneapolis was so wonderful. jamison did better than expected on all of those flights, and he was excited to meet "father" and "five didi's". we had a great turnout of people to support us and welcome him home! it was so encouraging to see so many friendly and loving faces. a BIG thank you to everyone who was there! i was, as predicted, crying like a baby when i saw all of my little monkey's again. and scott......well, let's just say that i have learned a new appreciation for him after being away for so long. he has been FANTASTIC since we got home.
jamison is really having a lot of mood swings (expected) and acts distant sometimes (expected). he is just starting to test scott (expected) and he is not sure that he wants to be here at all (expected). i am really struggling with how to react to him (not expected!). it feels like i am choosing to love him and it's not coming as easily as i thought it would. he is just really pushing away, and i can't seem to find a crack in his armor yet. i will just continue to love him, and continue to hope and pray that, given time, he will settle into his place in our family. i know it is SO very early to be saying all of this. i know that he needs so much time and space, i'm just fessing up to what i am feeling like. he is surely completely uncertain right now. i just hope that scott and i will be able to be the strength and love and safe harbor he needs. all by the grace of abba.
we all played hide and seek last night and he loved that. he really likes all the food he has been presented with so far. he likes to help try and take care of fisher and if one of his brothers is sad, he tries to comfort them. it is very precious. he is completely amazing at building with legos. he fashioned this super sweet airplane with a smaller airplane that just snaps into place on top of the "mother ship". it is VERY cool. we will be buying more legos.
thank you to all of you for all of your encouraging comments on this blog. i was just able to read them all when i got home from china. so heartfelt and truly what i needed to hear. thank you all so much for taking the time to write and to follow up on sweet little jamison. i really DO hope to post pictures soon!

Flight Information

2009-07-22T07:07:00.004-05:00

Hi everyone, It looks like they are still set to travel back tomorrow evening. Here is the flight information please check and make sure that there aren't any delays before you head out to the airport. See you there! 7/23 leave Shanghai at 12:25 PM On Flight UA858 and arrive in San Francisco at 8:29am. Then leave San Francisco on flight UA94 at 12:44pm and arrive in Minneapolis at 6:20pm.
Scottie

3 days and counting...

2009-07-19T19:07:00.002-05:00

hello faithful blog readers! we have three days left in guangzhou before we leave for the united states. i am learning a whole lot about jamison, and now realize that transitions send him through the roof. he will just get used to our new hotel and province, and then we will get on a plane and go somewhere else. it is in the days following the move that he has his meltdowns. i think once he is in the states and realizes that minnesota is the last stop, he will begin to relax and put down his roots. he is SO independent and wants very badly to learn how to do things on his own. he loves to swim and play hide and seek, he is almost always making noise of some sort, either playing an instrument, or singing, or yelling, i prefer the first two methods.

In a couple of hours we will go back to the clinic to get the results of his T.B. test read. if he is cleared of T.B., we should be good to go on thursday. his test site looks really good to me, so i am hopeful for good results.
for any of you coming to the airport, i think that jamison will be out of his mind exhausted (julieann and i too) but, i think he will be excited to meet his father and brothers. i think it will be wonderful for anyone to come who wants to, and i think jamison will like to have people there excited to meet him. he likes feeling loved!!
don't worry about being too loud or anything. he is very outgoing and i have only seen him shy once, and that was around an 11 year old girl ;)
when i get back, there are some wonderful pictures that i will post. many of you from the PHF waiting families group will have some great new pictures of your babes....i can't wait to send them to you!! three days and counting!!! see you soon!

Breakthrough

2009-07-16T07:48:00.002-05:00

I have great news to report! It would seem that Jamison and I have reached an understanding with each other. After a couple of very difficult days here in Fuzhou, we have had a breakthrough. The story is a little long, but suffice it to say that he has not had any big fits, meltdowns, breakdowns or outbursts in two days now. He really seems to understand that I want to help him and that I am on his side. He is letting me hug him and kiss him again, and he is letting me tell him that I love him with out him yelling “NO!!” he is relaxing and he is trying very hard to understand and to be understood. I can’t tell you the peace of mind it has given me seeing him interact in such a healthy way. It is extremely encouraging.

Tomorrow night we leave Fuzhou and go to Guangzhou…yet another test of our brand new relationship. Each place we travel in china takes us a little further away from what is safe and familiar to him, and a little closer to coming to the united states, the biggest test yet. I have a lot of confidence in him at this point, though. He is just so very smart. I really think, given time, he will do very well.

To say that I am amazed by his spirit and determination would be a gross understatement. I am flabbergasted at his resilience. It is overwhelming to think of all that he has gone through and is going through…..and he is willing to keep trying. He is willing to love. He is willing to be loved. His heart and spirit are going to take him far. I am so, so happy that I will be here to see where he ends up. What an incredible, unspeakable honor.

2009-07-12T17:40:00.004-05:00

Hello everyone! Heather has just sent me an email and asked me to copy in what she wants added to the blog. So without further adieu her is the latest right from Heathers thoughts.

"we have left shepherds field and are now on the second leg of our journey. i wanted to take some time to tell you about what is going on right now for little Jamison. i knew that leaving shepherds field would be our first big test, and that has turned out to be true.
our honeymoon period has officially ended. Jamison is REALLY grieving his loss, as I believe he now very much understands that this is more permanent than he realized. He is lashing out toward me right now and in general testing the boundaries like crazy. he will pitch a fit if i don't give him his way....especially concerning calling shepherd's field and going swimming. he has started yelling and hitting himself and trying to hide from me.....this usually ends up working out in my favor as he can't see where to hide, and ends up in plain view:) he now says "No i love you mommy!!" in an effort to communicate his frustration.
i, so far have just physically put myself in his business. i hold him even when he says no, i hug him even when he is plugging his ears and yelling....and i keep telling him that i love him even though he is angry and hurting. i hope, in time, these fits will lessen and he will allow trust to get it's foot in the door. please keep praying. i need it badly right now. he does too. this is emotionally exhausting for me and for my friend Julieann who is with me.

now for good news!! in all of the times and spaces in between.....i get glimpses of his true personality. he is SO SMART, i can't wait for us to be able to communicate better....that alone would alleviate so much of his frustration. he loves to learn and is eager to figure out the world around him. he has a great sense of humor. oops...i gotta GO he;s awake and looking for me...i'll write more soon"

News, News News!

2009-07-10T14:33:00.007-05:00

News from Heather! For those of you that didn't catch my comment on Heather's last post I was able to break into her blog account (with permission) and give everyone more information from a phone call I got today. Heather hasn't been able to access this Blogger account so that leaves me in charge of the updates for now. Heather and Jamison are learning new things about one another a break-neck speeds. Heather was telling me that he has been bouncing off of the walls with energy accompanied with a non stop singing and chatter. They have been out to dinner a few times already at restaurants, a first time experience for Jamison and a new hobby. His favorite thing other than Heather has been our digital camera. So far Heather is on her 3rd set of double A's in 3 days (I hope I bought a big enough memory card). He is a little shorter than Heather imagined, probably a little shorter than Elliott but with Holden's physique! Jamison has been Heather's shadow these first few days much to Heather's delight. Heather has had the opportunity to talk with Jamison's nannies through an interpreter to find out more about his day to day quirks and monkey business (The Christopher family is in the monkey business, Est. 1999) Heather was able to share pictures of the other five monkeys and that brought a smile to the nannies faces. Well I guess that's all for now. I'll keep everyone in the loop just remember I didn't hear from her for the first 3 days!
Scott

PS. That second picture of Heather should be listed in the encyclopedia next to the word compassion. If there was ever a photo that should be copyrighted to Time magazine, it's that one! Kudos to JulieAnn for an amazing photo!

Into the great wide open

2009-07-06T10:49:00.002-05:00

tomorow morning is the day! julieann and i have our carry-on's all packed...we'll see if we can actually swing it going the carry-on only route. we both know that coming back we will be anything but carrry-on only! julie ann's husband, josh is going to drive us to the airport at 5:00am, so we can fly out by 7:00.
there is about a snowball's chance in hell that i am going to sleep tonight, so it's good to be leaving nice and early! :)
i keep wondering what his skin feels like. i am going to touch all over his face. i am going to feel all of the valley's and bumps of his scars. if he will have it, i'm going to kiss him all over that sweet little face.....maybe even if he won't have it. he's in for it, that's for sure.
oh abba, hold his heart so close, and so carefully. give him every bit of peace that he needs to keep making it through these next days and weeks and months. thanks so much for bringing him this far, don't let go now. never let go.
jamison, there are two crazy ladies coming your way! well, at least one of them is crazy, but i won't say which one. all of the waiting is almost over. soon, my love, we will be together. counting the seconds.............

sweet dreams!

2009-06-27T15:45:00.003-05:00

so, is it normal to already be losing sleep a week and a half before we leave? i'm in trouble! i'm just way too excited. i fall asleep just fine, but if fisher (my 2 year old) wakes me up....then i'm toast. i am awake thinking about every possible scenario that could ever possibly happen for the rest of jamison's life.
truly, for me, this probably IS normal. i like to think of situations and how i would handle them. it is completely futile, but it makes my little brain feel better after running through the options.
i just think that i will not sleep a WHOLE lot while in china, so i should be sleeping as much as i can now, but that seems like it won't be happening!
i hope jamison is sleeping well.
is he excited?
is he scared?
does he "get" that he is moving around the world?
sleep well, little jamison.
all of the rest of you sleep tight as well. i'll do my best to join you. :)

Teetering on the cusp

2009-06-19T21:25:00.003-05:00

Oh the fabled and much anticipated TA (travel approval) has finally arrived! For awhile i was thinking that the TA was a mythical beast that i would never actually encounter, but here it is!

it seems that we will travel to china on tuesday, july 7th to go and meet our sweet babe, jamison! after staying in china for about two weeks (IF things go as planned) we will bring that amazing little boy all the way back to st. louis park, minnesota to meet his new family and begin his new life. and that sentence i just typed in no way begins to encompass all that is about to happen to this young man! it is going to completely rock his whole world. everything in his life is about to change....our lives too. and it's thrilling. and it's scary. and it's beautiful.

he has NO idea about the barrage of dr. appointments coming his way, or the permanacy of this flight back to the U.S.A. he is going to be leaving, quite possibly, the very best place that he could have possibly been living in while he was waiting for a family. the philip hayden foundation is one of the most amazing, and life-giving orginzations around. the children who have the good fortune to live there are blessed daily with people who love them selflessly and give of themselves with wild abandon. and they do this ALL OF THE TIME! it will be a hard day for jamison to leave his friends, teachers, nannies, and doctors who have become very much like family. he does have some good friends living in the united states already. his roommate, elijah is living with his new family in missouri, and he has a precious friend in wisconsin who is anxiously awaiting jamison's arrival. we will be making some trips, i think :)

i hope to buy our tickets on monday, and then i think i will feel more secure about our travel plans. thank you all for your interest and love and prayers for jamison and for our family. we are grateful for the support. i will keep you posted!

Letters of approval and such

2009-04-26T13:44:00.002-05:00

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! we have received our letter of approval from china! this means that china has approved us to be jamison's family. it also means that there is the possibility of travel in the near future! it could be that we will travel in 6-9 weeks to go and bring that sweet boy into his new home.
it is mind boggling to think of that! this is the movement and forward momentum that we have been waiting for and praying for. jamison does know about us now, though i don't know what his reaction was to the news. but i imagine he can't even comprehend what is coming. five brothers. a new country. a different language. strangers taking him away from what he has come to call home, and away from the children who have become his family. believe me, i am REJOICING that we have the approval, i am just also very aware of what he could be thinking and feeling. it is overwhelming for us and him.
my house is WAY too messy for a little boy who can't see. there is much to get in order, but what a joy to do so. i can't wait to hug him and kiss him and smell his hair and learn about his little ticks and gestures he prefers. i will probably cry the first time i hear him sing. he loves to sing, and i've been told he does so a lot of the time.
it is all by the grace of abba. we step forward in fear but full of hope for what is to come.

the kid's got potential!

2009-01-29T18:25:00.002-06:00

We have received many wonderful and encouraging updates and e-mails about Jamison from people who go to visit the Philip Hayden Foundation. (the philip hayden foundation is where jamison currently lives)
From what we have been told, he is musically inclined, he has tried his hand at the piano and the guitar. One precious man left a guitar there for him to play and to practice.

I know that after Misty visited and taught him how to thumb wrestle, he has been anxious to play thumb wars with anyone who is interested! Several people have shared that he loves to thumb wrestle.

He loves to do arts and crafts.

But the most meaningful and touching e-mails have been people telling us about what an amazing spirit he has. everyone has said that he is eager to try new things, and does not seem inhibited by his complete lack of vision. One man shared that he witnessed jamison caring for a friend and that his compassion for his friend brought this man to tears. jamison's never-say-die attitude will be a tremendous asset in his life. he will need all of the confidence and strength of character he can get his hands on!

What a beautiful child he is. in the back of my mind, i cling to the hope of holding his face and kissing his forehead, cheeks, nose, chin and lips. i cannot wait for that day. it is in abba's hands, as all things are. we will wait as long as we need to. he is worth every bit of waiting.

jamison, i know you can't read this, and don't even know about me, but i want you to know that we are here. we all love you more than the sky is big. your five little brothers are planning and praying and hoping for you. they have grandious plans of forts, and hockey games. they are waiting for you. scott and i don't know why we have to be apart from you for so long, but we will wait for as long as it takes, our son, our precious one. i will love you from afar until the day that i can hold you in my arms and breathe you in. i love you.

2009-01-09T20:37:00.003-06:00

i can't see into your eyes to tell you how beautiful they are. your skin isn't as smooth as satin.
i've made some life changing mistakes. i've hurt people more than i thought was possible.

so we are both broken. poured out, if you will. but, therein lies the beauty.
i don't need to see into your eyes to recognize a beautiful soul. you, my son, are breathtaking.
you are a king among princes. you are all that is lovely and pure. you have literally come out of the fire a changed being, born of flames for something tremendous, earth moving. i believe in you. i believe in the universe of potential that is within you. i believe in my abba to heal and restore that which was stolen from you. i believe in my abba to obliterate the darkness with his regenerating, healing love.

i stand with you. no matter how long it takes. no matter what anyone says or does, i stand with you, my love, my beautiful one. until we meet and are together forever, i pray and hold out hope for abba to make a way............ i love you

the money issue

2008-12-21T22:31:00.003-06:00

So i was thinking while we are waiting for good news from China, and since i've been whining about waiting, i could at least tell you the VERY super cool and amazing story of the money for jamison's adoption.

when scott and i decided to move forward towards adopting jamison, we had no earthly idea where in tarnation we would come up with the money for another adoption. we are no where near paying off our first adoption. but we decided to try. we decided that since jamison was older and special needs that maybe we could qualify for a lot of grants. so we started the process with, truly, no way to pay for all of the adoption expenses.

our friend, josh made us this beautiful little website to help spread the word about jamison's story and about us being a little on the fund-lacking side of things. he also made us a facebook page for jamison. as a result of these kind gestures, a dear friend of ours called one day and was just expressing her excitement about the adoption. she then proceeded to share with us that there was someone who wanted to donate the entire cost of the adoption. this is a BIG deal. this does not just happen all of the time. we are talking about someong giving you the means to get to your child, someone making a way for you to be together. it was a totally unbelievable moment. i am grateful to abba. i still cry and get goose bumps when i remember that conversation. even as i type these words, i am still in shock. so, unspeakable thanks to our anonymous donor. our hearts are full of thankfulness.

there is amazing good in this process, and i need to remember that. so there is my happy post, free of whining and full of gratefulness!!

The Waiting Place

2008-12-18T20:16:00.001-06:00

Our official approval from the united states government to bring a male child between the ages of 10-15 from china into this country has arrived. the united states says it's okay. now we are oh so patiently waiting for china to approve jamison's paperwork so that he will become "adoptable".

the portion of the chinese government in charge of special needs adoptions has had his file since september 25th. we are just waiting for them to approve his paperwork. once his paperwork is approved, the woman in charge of the special needs adoptions has promised to give jamison's file directly to our adoption agency so that we can be "matched" with him.

this is a hard process, this waiting. everyone adopting experiences a lot of waiting. it is so difficult knowing his medical needs, seeing him go through stressful and uncomfortable surgeries while we are so far apart from each other. so, some paperwork movement would be fantastic right about now!

jamison does not know about us yet. he knows that there are future plans for him to move to the united states, but he does not know why. he is waiting too.

so we all wait together, for paperwork and governments. for someone to come into work on a certain day in the right mood and decide to get his paperwork done. we wait. and hope. and pray.

The One to Get the Ball Rolling

2008-12-18T20:14:00.000-06:00

Hey, this is a blog about adopting jamison. it will be about the journey our paths take to finally come together, and everything that happens while we wait for that day to come to fruition. there will be many lower case letters, as well as run on sentences. please forgive these unsightly offenses.

You might already know that our family is trying to adopt a little boy who is waiting in china for his forever family. this little blog will be my tool for keeping you posted, if you have interest in that sort of thing. feel free to drop in anytime, i'd be honored to have you here with me from time to time.